The What If? Series
by kaitosan
Summary: The, ‘what if?’ series is completely random based on one big question ‘WHAT IF?’ like what if Orochimaru came to our school? Actually that is the first story…. Anyways don’t read this if you don’t like yaoi or fangirls…


**Ok just to get it straight this is a one shot that my friend A.C (yes I have friends) and I thought of during science class last week or so… we were talking about how Orochimaru is like animes version of Michel Jackson. Then we had and idea of what if Orochimaru came to our school looking for supposed 'new bodies' with Kabuto? And everyone that was in the world of Naruto was at our school of Westdale? Well I will tell you; it would end up as some screwed up Fanfic like the one im writing now. Sayaka is my character who represents me, A.C is A.C and Tora is another one of my friends. Don't worry I will update "the snow Ninja" ASAP XD.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, sadly. If I did I would make all of the Naruto characters real with my amazing magic and I would make Itachi and Sasuke perform yaoi for me! But sadly this is the real world and I don't own Naruto so I cannot do that.**

**Warring: do not read this if you don't like any forms of yaoi or fan-girls. You have been warned!!!!!!!!**

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**What if Orochimaru Invaded the School of Westdale?**

It was an ordinary day at school, the sun was shining, and birds were flying in the sky. Everyone was drowsy with lack of sleep. It was the perfect day up until the moment that Tsunade went on the announcements.

"Everyone! The school is on immediate lock down. All boys must remain in their classrooms; lock the classroom doors if you want to live. And I want all the Jounin's in the school to meet in the front lobby" there was a sense of panic in her voice as she spoke. All the boys in the classes were quite confused by Tsunade's instructions.

"What does the old hag mean?! How come the girls are allowed to leave the room but the boys cant?!" Naruto complained.

"I have no idea…" Iruka said as he locked the classroom door. "All we can do is just listen to Tsunade-sama's instructions"

**---With Tsunade---**

When Tsunade finished the broadcast, Shizune, Ton-ton and herself made their way to the front lobby, when they arrived all the Jounin in the school lay dead at their feet.

"Oh God…Its already started!" Shizune gasped. Ton-ton went on his merry way to examine the dead body of Kakashi.

"We must hid the boys before _HE_ gets to them!" Tsunade said franticly trying to decide the best way to save all the boys in the school. Behind them a stranger walks up to them.

"Found you!" the silver-haired boy says playfully.

"YOU!" Tsunade gasped.

**---Back in Narutos Class---**

Back in our boring class Naruto sat in his seat squirming around.

"SIR!" Naruto says rising his hand to get the teachers attention.

"What is it Naruto?" Iruka asks. Lucky for Naruto he just happened to drink some bad milk this morning before school started.

"Sir I really, really, really have to go to the washroom!" the blonde said squirming even more in his seat now.

"Im sorry Naruto I cant do that… you heard Tsunade-Sama, no boy is to leave the room." Iruka finished and turned back to the blackboard to teach the lesson. Nobody had any idea what Iruka sensei was talking about during the lesson; he just kept going on about the difference between Genjutsu and algebra.

"Sir but I drank bad milk…"

"I said no Naruto!"

Naruto looked as if he was about to cry, he probably was already… or was that sweat, I can't really tell, but what I could tell was that Naruto really had to go, anyways… Outside the door I could hear the screaming of what sounded like a dieing piglet.

"I think that someone just killed Ton-ton" I whispered to over to A.C. A.C took a moment to look up from the picture of Sasuke kissing Naruto that she was drawing to respond.

"What someone killed the pig?" She asked, I shrugged and then I looked back over to Naruto who was sill squirming in his seat. Beside us Sasuke was glaring at us fangirls.

"A.C what the hell are you drawing?" he hissed.

"Oh nothing, just you and Naruto-kun kissing, actually its more like your kissing him, you are the semé in most fanfic's after all!" A.C responded not looking up from her sketch. Sasuke muttered something like 'I will kill the fan girls!' just then a bloodied Shizune busted into the room.

"Iruka…you…must…hid…boys" was all she managed to say before she fainted.

"You heard her! All of the boys must hide now…!" where the last words that our beloved sensei… actually scratch that, he never really taught us anything useful. Well anyways he died right in front of us, behind him stood the figure of Kabuto. By now everyone in our room started to panic and run around like they were on fire, except of course A.C and I, A.C was way to busy drawing her yaoi picture to even care, and I of course was reading a Sasuke X Itachi Doujinshi that some person drew. I was getting to the good part to; you know the part where it could make your nose bleed if you weren't too careful, well anyways… I was interrupted when Kabuto started his speaking, and he said something like this:

"All right" with those two words of it hot and sexy beautiful…. Ahem…. with those words he was able to shut up the class of crazies, then he continued his speech "Orochimaru-samma has come here today in search of boys who he can mole… I mean use as a new body. Anyone who rebels against up sill die a horrible and painful death, Understood?" when I heard his voice I actually took the time to look up at who was talking, I was practically speechless. To A.C who looked up to see who was speaking then to look at me, finally took the time to hit me over the head with her pencil case. The reason she did that was because I kept saying things like

"Kabu-sama!" and "ZOFMG!" over and over again. When I finally came to my senses and realized what I was doing, I took the time to very silently and quickly run behind Kabuto and Glomp him like no other fangirl could.

"ZOMG KABI I LUV YOU SOOOO MUCH, I WANNA HAVE YOUR CHILDERN!!!!" I continued like this for a while cutting off his air supply and before I knew it I had killed him. All eyes in the room where now on me, they all kinda looked like this:

00

Well… I wasn't made the vice president of the Fangirl club for nothing, with skills like that.

"Errrrr, I couldn't help myself, I swear!" I said putting my hand behind my head.

Outside in the hallway we could hear Kiba's screams.

"AHHHHH NOOO NOT MY ASS!!!!!" he shouted, the barks of Akamaru could be heard. Knowing Akamaru he probably abandoned his master without second thought. All the boys in the class froze in fear; they all knew that Orochimaru was coming for them, well except for Naruto; he was just going on about how he really needed to go to the washroom. I decided it was time to take charge, only the fangirls in our club knew the weakness of Orochimaru.

"A.C-chan we need to get the boys to the Fangirl club on the third floor!" I shouted.

"HAI!" she shouted "anyone who does not want to be raped by Orochimaru, follow us!"

"Yeah right…. You'll probably save us, but when we get to that club of yourself you'll probably make us perform yaoi for you!" Chouji shouted. It was now Naruto's turn to speak up.

"I don't give a frig, I will perform all the yaoi you want as long as you get me to a bathroom!" he complained. I walked up to him and whispered into his ear.

"Don't worry Naru, there is a private bathroom in the club room that you can use!"

"YEAH IM IN, DATEBYO!" he shouted.

All the boys who wanted their Asses to remain un-touched by a queer 60-year-old legendary snake man, and Naruto who had no idea what the hell was going on followed us two fangirls in hopes of saving themselves. Up in the stairwell the sound of slithering could be heard right behind us, most of the boys began to whimper like scared puppies.

"Shut up, the lot of you!" I snapped turning around.

"Yes mamn" the boys said in union. When we reached the third floor the doors were locked.

"Aw shit!" I cried, "Tsunade must have locked the doors!" Sasuke wasn't about to let Orochimaru have his ass, in a split second he knocked down the door with his chidori.

"You two are useless" he said in his annoying monotone voice. A.C and I looked at each other with mischievous grins.

A few moments later Sasuke was tied up with rope with no hope of escaping and was left in the stairwell. We all watched from behind the locked doors as the snakes took Sasuke away, all you could hear was Sasuke's muffled screams and the evil laughter of Orochimaru. I was quite happy with myself, I absolutely hate Sasuke, all he does it complain about how A.C and I are always paring him up with his much hotter brother and Naruto.

"Oh god what have you two done?" one of the boys whimpered.

"Anyone else who has a comment on how useless we are will suffer the same fate!" I said tauntingly.

"Now on to the club!" A.C yelled cheerfully.

Slowly we all made their way toward the Fangirls base that was on the other side of the school from were we were all standing. We stop at any sound that sounded like a snake. As we walked through the hallways we saw the dead bodies of teachers or boys who were still alive, lying on the ground holding their Asses in pain. The boys shuttered at the thought of what was happening to Sasuke. When we arrived to the Fangirl base A.C knocked on the door that was responded by our Fangirl president asking for our password.

"Itachi X Sasuke, Kabuto X Sasuke, Naruto X Sasuke" A.C cheered, the door opened revealing the club president Tora, nobody quite got why the president of the Fangirl club was a boy but they all didn't care because the moment the door opened the all of the boys poured into the room. The two of us, A.C and I, struggled to close the door as fast as we could.

"Sayaka-chan where's the bathroom?" Naruto said jumping up and down. The reason for that being was that, even though Tsunade gave us the best room for the club, we also got the cruddiest door in the would school that was like a bitch to close.

"In the back" I said to Naruto, he quickly made his way passed the boys to the washroom.

"Crap it's occupied!" he cried.

"A.C-chan, Sayaka-Chan, explain yourselves, why are there so many boys here?" Tora sternly

"They all wanted to join the club!" I said sarcastically.

"Wow really?" the president asked excitedly.

"No, Sayaka is lying, the truth is that Orochimaru-Sama is in the school molesting all the boys he can find!" A.C said still hyper.

"Really?!" Tora said with a hopeful expression on his face, to this I was forced to smack him on the head with a fan that was in the corner of the room.

"This is NOT the time to be thinking about getting some Ass action Tora!" I yelled at him in disgust.

"Sorry" he whimpered.

The boys took the time to crouch on the floor and back into the wall like we were having a bomb threat or something, except for Naruto, whom was sill waiting to get into the washroom. For all we knew Shino was probably I there, from time to time he would sneak in the clubroom to use our luxurious bathroom whenever he got the chance.

Everyone remained silent in the room, flinching every time they heard slithering coming from outside of the room. It was quiet for a moment then you could hear a soft knock at the door.

"Go answer the door Sayaka…" Shikamaru whispered.

"Why don't you go do it Shika-chan?" I whispered back.

"Because Orochimaru isn't after girls." Shikamaru responded. I shrugged then crept over to the door slowly opening it, I didn't see anyone then I decided to open it just enough to poke my head out of the door to examine the hallway. When I opened the door more I heard a 'thunk' then a loud 'OW', at my feet was lying Sasuke face down.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?!" the young Uchiha yelled. With fast speed I managed to throw Sasuke into the room and close the door before any of the snakes noticed. Sasuke stormed over to me then pinned violently threw me against the nearest was, pinning me there.

"I think someone's mad" I said with an evil grin on my face and tilting my head slightly.

"Oh, no Sayaka, im not mad… im freaking pissed off!" Sasuke yelled, to this I decided to lean really close to his face, by this time everyone in the room was now paying attention to our argument.

"Really? I thought that you would like it" I responded slyly said. Sasuke's face became full of anger and rage.

Down the hall, Orochimaru had followed Sasuke, knowing that he would lead him to the rest of the boys.

"Ah so this is where they are hiding" he hissed to himself licking his lips. In seconds he busted into the room, all the boys were screaming. "Im here for the boys asses!" he laughed. A.C grabbed Sasuke's shoulders pulling him off of me.

"You led him here didn't you?" she hissed. Sasuke smirked at her.

"Yeah I did!" he said as he activated his Sharingan.

"A.C COVER YOUR EYES!" I yelled. But it was too late, poor A.C was inside of a Genjutsu that made her think that all the yaoi in the world was being destroyed right in front of her. So I did what any Closet fan, I mean Sasuke hater would do, I mustered all of my love, I mean hate for Sasuke and gave him a Rabid fangirl glomp, the same one that killed Kabuto some odd paragraphs ago.

"ARG what are you doing?!" Sasuke screamed in pain as he heard his bones breaking.

"Ultimate rabid fangirl Glomp no Jutsu!" with these words Sasuke died. I triumphantly looked down at his bleeding corps…No im just kidding, I didn't really kill him, the attack just made him pass out from lack of air, but what I did do was that I removed his shirt and boxers so that I could sell it on Ebay for Fangirls…coughItachicough… who was willing to play much cash for it. Hey I know im evil but I needed the money to buy some Yaoi from China town in Toronto next week, can you blame me?

Well anyways, Orochimaru preceded to rape every boy in sight, beside me, Tora patiently waited for his turn to be rapped, actually could you really call that rape if it was willing? Im not to sure, but anyways…something in my tiny mind clicked, something that Shikamaru said to me, the thing about Orochimaru being after the boys and not the girls. A.C got the idea as well and we began the operation.

"ZOMG OROCHI-SAMMA I WANNA RAPE YOU!!!!" we both screamed running to the legendary snake man. In seconds we had him in a painful glomp.

"AHHHHHHH NOOOOO FANGIRLS" he screeched, damn his voice was like nails on a chalkboard, and it didn't help that Naruto was doing just that because he really needed to go to the washroom.

"OROCHIMARU-SAMA PLEASE RAPE ME INSTEAD!" A.C screamed, wow she was really convincing about the whole thing, maybe she should be the Vice-prez of the club instead of me.

"NO RAPE ME! I WANT THE CURSE SEAL OF HEAVEN ON MY NECK!" I cried, I almost wanted to throw up. Getting off the subject of the fangirl attack on Orochimaru, Naruto was finally able to get into the bathroom, a few moments latter he came out relived.

"OMG its Orochimaru!!! What the fuck is he doing here?" Naruto screamed.

"I WILL TELL YOU LATER JUST PLEASE HELP US!" A.C screamed, she was slowly letting go of Orochimaru; he was starting to resist our Fangirl Glomping jutsu. Amazingly and coincidently Naruto was a FGIT, which stands for Fan-Girl-In-Training. Yes Naruto was one of us and he proceeded to use Harem jutsu on Orochimaru, in a blinding puff of smoke there were many naked girls grabbing onto Orochimaru.

"OHHHH OROCHIMARU I LUV YOUUUU!" the harem girls screamed. Before anyone knew it, Orochimaru died.

"Wow…" Sasuke said amazed.

"Hey, hey am I in the club now?" Naruto asked, my eyes didn't lose their shocked look, hell; I couldn't even believe that a FGIT was able to kill Orochimaru in one fangirl-based attack. Yes the fangirls were the original creators of the Harem Jutsu.

"Um…yeah…you can join." I said not taking my eyes off of Orochimaru.

"Yeah lets go to Ichiraku Ramen for a celebration!" Naruto cried in happiness.

"Ok" I said removing my eyes off of Orochimaru. The only three members of the Fangirl club and the newly appointed member made their way to Ichiraku for a celebration leaving all of the boys in the room in shock.

End!

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**Holy Shit, WTF was that all about??? I didn't even understand half of the shit that was going on here!!!!!! Do you agree with me????? ARG!**

**Anyways…. Please leave a review on this, if you like it tell me and I will probably make another one. if you would like a idea for a what if of Naruto tell me!**


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